Two really embarassing things that have happened to me recently

Last Wednesday, I decided to take advantage of Bagel Day at our company. I'm not the biggest bagel eater in the world, but if something is free, I tend to get some whether I'm all that enamoured with it or not. It runs on my dad's side of the family. I went upstairs and reached for a big, fat, blueberry bagel. I picked up a sharp knife and began sawing away. But, instead of cutting the bagel, the knife merely smushed it. There was a guy standing off to the side, and he started to smirk. I valiently continued, determined to salvage the bagel. I only wanted half. The bagel, however, only smushed up more. I finally took my hands and pulled the bagel apart, breaking it up in the process. I figured the whole bagel was now mine. I could feel Bagel Guy still looking at me, but I refused to so much as glance in his direction. A serated knife was lying off to the side. I picked that up and began sawing away once more. More smush. I gave up, smeared a small amount of cream cheese into a few of the cracks and crevices of the mutilated bagel, and took it up in both my hands. I tried to wad parts of the bagel back togther so I could carry it away without leaving a trail of blueberry bagel crumbs. I looked towards Bagel Guy, who by now had a full-blown grin on his face. I walked away with a straight back and my nose up in the air, determined to salvage what was left of my bagel dignity.

Today a co-worker pointed out that I had toilet paper hanging out of the back of my pants. I don't know how long it had been there. I was probably twirling around the office for hours with people laughing and pointing at my butt.